Tuesday, October 31, 2006
my dad
I'm still not getting welllllllllllll. i don't know what's wrong....i've been getting fever on and off the past few days and i get splitting headaches. i
think it's eye strain but i'm not really sure...*i know i promised myself i won't blog nor use the computer for one whole week because i'm getting sick but i have to. I've been getting eye-strain lately because i've exhausted my eyes out for the past few days. i've stayed up late [every night] just to finish reading my pocketbooks and i wake up early and what-nots. but this time, i'm not blogging for myself, i just want to share this stuff.
my sister got really sick last saturday morning. she woke up with a 40 degree fever which didn't abate until the afternoon. It went down to 39.5 but then it shot up again. she had chills and she was complaining of a back ache. my dad didn't go to work that day. he just stayed at home and rested and tended to my sister. then on Sunday, they brought her to the hospital because her fever still didn't go down and stayed there until noon today. my dad didn't go to work yesterday and this morning. he only went back to the office around 4pm today.
right now i'm going to talk about one of the most important people in my life : My dad.
My dad is an absolute workaholic. He's well on his 28th or 29th year of working as a professional but if you add the years he's worked as a student, i think it adds up to more than 30 years already. He's worked various jobs such as one of those cargo men in the piers and a salesman for so many years and a manager and finally, he fulfilled his dream of owning his own business. He does not drink, smoke, nor does he have any mistresses. He's just a plain old workaholic. I think i only saw him smoke ONCE because he was with his bosses and he's just a social drinker. In my 18 years, i only saw him get drunk TWICE. When i was a kid, i never saw much of him because he was always gone off to work somewhere. I never got close to him before so i don't know him really well. I see him much more now when i'm a teen than when i was a kid. Of course we had a lot of fights and sometimes we still do. Oh, i forgot to mention he belonged to a fraternity back in college and he was the one who paddled the guys' asses during initiation. He can slap the hell out of you and he almost spanked me twice but he never did.
back to my dad's workaholic attitude... For the whole time my sister got sick, he did not go to his office. In fact, he was the one who stayed by my sister's side during her hospital stay and he took care of her really well. That surprised me because my dad is such a workaholic that even on holidays, he works. Even during Saturdays, he works and every Sunday night, he works. From Monday-Friday, he works up to 10 pm. That is how much of a workaholic he is. When i got sick last month, he was in Rizal and he immediately went over to me when he found out i was in the hospital. Needless to say, i am very much surprised when he didn't go to work. I mean, hello? My dad goes to work even when he's sick and then he didn't go to work because he tended to my sister? I mean, my mom's very used to that late-night tending for the sick as she has been taking care of everyone in the family for so long but he decided to take care of her. Wow. I am pleasantly surprised.
my dad can be such a boor and he does not listen [like every other guy] but i love him still sooo much. In fact, as much as i can hate him sometimes, i realize now that if i was to look for a guy, it would be someone just like him. He hates smoking and i think i picked that up from him. My biggest turn-off is smoking. In fact, i just see one cig. stick twirling around a crush's finger and it's bye-bye dearie. It's just really YUCKY. I hardly drink. I once read that when we were kids, we look at our dad and see a treasure box full of knowledge but when we grow old, we do not appreciate his knowledge at all. For me, it is the exact opposite. Since i hardly talked to him before, i never knew how intelligent he really is. I only knew that he's a math wiz but now that i'm in college, i know i can ask him about anything and he pretty much knows the answer. I can talk to him about science, math, world history, politics, and current events. That is how amazing he is. I know i will never be him nor will i ever be like him but i strive to please him as i please myself along the way.My dad = one of my inspirations.
I just love my dad.
He's simply the best.
fire.phoenix.goddess
10:48 PM
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Saturday, October 21, 2006
exorcising demons
"coz baby...the problem with hello is goodbye...
there've been too many hellos, too many goodbyes...
when will i say hello, without having to say goodbye...
it's heartbreaking...it's heartrending...
i wanna take a chance but i've already taken some...
but still i'll take a leap if i know there's no goodbye with you..."
hay...ang hirap hirap lumayo...
do you know that feeling...when you know you just have to go run away from someone because you HAVE to...? but you just CAN'T.
i've been writing highly personal entries lately. i've revealed a lot of things that i normally don't tell anyone. that is why i still keep names a
secret to retain a semblance of privacy. but then, these things are the things i don't really mind sharing. after all, you don't know my whole life
so you won't really understand what i'm talking about, can you?
i've been scarred for a long time. SCARRED not SCARED. for those who don't know the difference, "scarred" means nasugatan and "scared"
is natakot. i underwent psychological torture [well, for me it is.] and if someone else with a weaker mind and a darker disposition than i have
experienced it, i think she would have gone crazy too. it's not the kind of thing that everyone experiences. it's not the kind of thing that you
wish you experience. i can't say it here coz there's someone who reads my blog na kinda part nung mga yun...
but it was the most hellish thing i ever experienced in my whole life. it shook me greatly. let's just say...that there were 3 years in my life that i
experienced moral and physical degredation just because of my too-beloved ex. masyadong madaming nagmahal sa kaniya...so madaming
nang-away sa'kin. i don't think na masasaktan ako kung isa lang siya...pero they were more than 30 people. it IS too painful to recount. i have
never felt all alone in my whole life. i think i only had 3 people to lean on. and they can't do anything other than listen. and i never did anything
to them. because i was told not to stoop down to their level so i had to keep quiet and just accept the scorching remarks they make. for three
lonely years. and the three times i retorted, nagalit pa siya. bakit ko pa daw sinagot. it was too crazy.
but i learned a lot of things along the way...bahala ka na if you think it's a negative or positive effect.
*i learned not to care about what other's think.
*i learned how too keep quiet.
*i learned how to turn to God.
*i learned how to cry from the soul...and to entrust everything to Him.
*i learned the things i should not do to other people...
*i discovered how deep i can love [pero syempre, hindi pa un ang talagang "love"]
*i learned how to reach inside me and find my inner happiness and inner contentment.
*i learned how to be strong amidst all snide and hurting remarks.
*i learned how to face slander [yes, they did that].
*i learned that life is too good to waste so i have to keep my head up.
*i learned what "fear" is. i learned what "hate" is.
*i found my true friends. [i love you bes :)]
*i learned how to hold on to someone and fight for that person.
*i learned what a "one-sided" relationship is.
and so with this, i want to thank the following people. you don't know how much you mean to me.
*bes...sabel...thanks. kahit hindi kita nakakasama all those times, i know that you believed in me.
*bear. you are a great person. you taught me a lot of things. and you were there to accompany me. kahit may sarili ka ng barkada, you still
went with me. i owe you.
*jane. i think you went over the top and defended me kahit hindi dapat. but thank you. i won't reveal who you really are. kahit naiinis ako sa
ginawa mo, i'm not stupid not to recognize what you did for me.
*jkat...anak. thank you din. thank you for being there...kahit 4th year lang tayo talagang naging close, thank you for standing by all my moods
[dahil mas moody ka :D]
*yan...yeah, my friend till the end. haha! thank you for being here for me until now. pag may kailangan ako...kahit busy tayo, you know i will
always catch you when you fall. that's what friends are for, diba?
*no*mi. sana hindi mo 'to mabasa...at hindi ito mabasa ng friends mo. kahit nasaktan ako dahil...dun nga. and feeling ko naoffend kita, thank you
still. i won't forget the time i collapsed dahil hindi ko na kinaya...and you helped me and lifted me up...and then you wrote me a letter which
touched me deeply. alam ko may offense ako sa'yo. i wish i could make it up to you soon...thank you. thank you for being there.
*tin. hindi kita makakalimutan. coz when i collapsed you held me and listened to me. alam mong nasasaktan ako nun eh. thank you talaga
ah...see, i didn't forget you? :) hehe...
*FAYE. fayerz ko. i think i owe you the biggest thanks. alam ko, inaway ka rin nila. kung ano-ano rin ginawa nila sa'yo just because friends
tayo but then you stood by me and you never turned your back on me. you never left me kahit na sobra na yun ginagawa nila sa'yo just
because of me...THANK YOU. i will always be here for you - to watch and catch your back. i will be here to fend off all those damned guys
who hurt you and all those who will hurt you. i love you fayerz!!! :D miss na kita...dahil antagal mo na walang load...magload ka naman...
*liz!!! hindi na tayo nagkwekwentuhan masyado...pero thank you.dahil nung time na talagang naging close tayo, madami din ako natutunan from
you...
*sugar. one of my eternal friends. thank you. sana makakwentuhan na ulit kita...
*coop. ikaw din. we both know...na pinagtanggol mo ko. you did diba? hehe. :D and you didn't doubt me...thanks for still being here. we've
been through a lot of things...hehe. basta dito lang ako.. kahit anong kagaguhan pa gawin mo, dito lang ako. sobrang you boosted my
confidence...sobra.
syempre, hindi lang h.s. friends ko...
*aya, mia, nards, sarah. = onesan, achi, ditsy [ditse], shobe.
you guys are always here to catch my back. alam kong ang gulo gulo gulo ko and yet hindi kayo napapagod na makinig sa mga kalokohan
ko...hehe. looove you siss. o sige na nga, duqs. kahit ngayon lang tayo naging close, lagi ka nakikinig...kasi mausisa ka. haha! joke lang. thank
you nga pala, hinatid mo ko sa glorietta that time. kahit mejo sinipa-sipa pa kita dahil ayaw mo ako pansinin. hehe :D thanks sa inyo for being
here for your "kapatid"... :)
*nucie!!!! thank you nung isang araw na nagkwentuhan tayo before music. sabi mo hindi ako mukhang stressed-out. mukha lang pagod pero
hindi stressed. [madami nagsasabi niyan sakin.]...and naiyak tuloy ako! ikaw kasi eh! at alam kong nakinig ka kahit nagbabasa ka ng irereport
mo...hehehe..thank you talaga nuc ah...dahil may mga sinabi ka na talagang tumama sa utak ko...
*raine. thank you. dahil nasupalpal ako nung sinabi mong dapat i-appreciate lahat.lalo na ang time. hehe :D
*cj. thank you talaga nung araw na un ah...dahil sinamahan mo ko na makita siya...at narealize ko nung time na un na tanga ako.
*james. cui! and princess ni *ehem*...thanks. for the info. and for putting up with my craziness lalo na nung tinext natin si paella-boy.
hehehe...:D
*syempre hie...thank you. thank you. thank you. words are not enough to express how thankful i am for putting up with my moods for more
than two years.
i hope wala ako nakalimutan. hay. nakakapagod. para 'kong binalikan un inner demons ko. well i'm slowly trying to extract the pain inside...para
hindi na ko ma-hunt ng experience na yun...but i promise, if i see all of them again? i won't fall. i won't back down. i'll look you in the eyes. i
hope you've matured enough to realize that those things you did were not good. na sobrang immature nun... just because of...?! it was so not
worth it...but thank you anyway.
*exorcising demons*
fire.phoenix.goddess
8:30 PM
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